My freakin' team man...
"Just try the med (again, and again, and again even if it makes you feel worse)."
Not even allowed benzos anymore (not like I'd even use them therapeutically PRN which I guess is why but idk why benzos are special when I get more f'ed up on half the stuff she does prescribe anyways).
I take the risperidone, I go mad(der). I take the trazodone (PRN) and nothing. I take the fancy sleep med, and practically get to a full blown psychotic dysphoric manic level in 30 minutes... med run comes and take my morning meds--literally just protonix, methylphenidate, and some vitamins--fall right to sleep for a couple hours, and then by 4pm I'm back to crazy. I take all my Depakote (ER version) at night.
And they keep saying to pretend the PRNs are scheduled, but I can't. This morning my CM said I was "very manic" after trying the fancy new sleep med night prior and the risperdal that morn' (yet again!) and sleeping 2 hours (having nightmares at that)
I don't really even know what I've been forthcoming about recently, mostly because I'm so freakin' out of it half the time I am either ignorant of wtf is happening/has happened or I don't realize it's relevant.
I'm trying. I swear. I'm not abusing street drugs for recreation, tomorrow will be a week since my last OD and that was to prove my immortality and that was all either OTC or stuff I was prescribed at one point, and I swear things are only getting WORSE! I've given up all my excess stuff.
The med person the other day said I might be having some autoimmune psych/neuro response to strep, but that keeps being dismissed by everyone else, and even though they did a culture that HAD STREP I'm having trouble actually getting someone that can do something give a shyt.
__________________
"I don't know what I'm looking for."
"Why not?"
"Because...because...I think it might be because if I knew I wouldn't be able to look for them."
"What, are you crazy?"
"It's a possibility I haven't ruled out yet,"
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