It's amazing that you're able to work hard on your projects, despite how depressed you obviously feel. Your situation sounds quite miserable. I wish I could come up with some good advice, but this is a tough, tough problem that's gone on for a long time. For starters, I would say to not undertake any more projects where you rely on family for help. They're just not going to provide it, even after saying they would. Realistically, a teenager is not old enough to commit to helping you build a house. If you purchased a property because your teenaged daughter urged you to do so, you need to not be making decisions in that way. That's an adult decision. Your teenaged kid does not belong having any part of deciding something like that. If your daughter can handle a commitment beyond keeping up with her school work, then it would be good for her to get a part-time job.

Does any one of your daughters have a job? They are all old enough. If they don't work because Dad provides them with pocket money, that's part of the problem. It sounds like you're being played for a sucker. That can only happen, if you go along with it. It seems that you allow wife and daughters to totally have their own way. You're being way too passive, which is why you get no respect. I don't believe anyone can change their basic personality, but you really need to make an attempt to re-negotiate your position and role in this family.

Here's a concrete suggestion to start with. When you come to the dinner table, tell your daughter to get up and choose another seat. Do not allow her to sit at the head of the table. Tell her she has to move over. Don't argue with her or her mother. If she asks why, just say "because I said so." If she refuses to move, either physically get her out of that seat, or leave the house and go have your dinner at a restaurant. But do not keep accepting that subordinate position, if you really want anything to change. You have to stage a revolt against this "system," and there's no way to do that without making yourself a bit unpleasant. If you fear doing anything that will upset anybody, then you are doomed to continue living exactly as you have been living.

There is no way you can persuade your wife and daughters to behave differently. You are the one who has to change your behavior. Only after you change, will anything else change. It will not kill you to have your family upset with you. You have nothing to lose. They're not going to all pack up and leave you because they all financially depend on you. Stop believing you have to obediently conform to their expectations . . . or else. Or else what? You fear you will lose your family and be alone. Stop living in fear. A family who will stay with you, only if they can make a fool out of you, is not worth having. The proof of that is how horribly depressed you feel. I doubt they're going anywhere. If you let them believe that you will tolerate anything, rather than displease them, then they will keep treating you like an @$$. You don't have to get mad. Just stop letting them dictate how things will be done. You need to rebel.