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Old Jan 24, 2025, 12:48 PM
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Blueberrybook Blueberrybook is offline
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Member Since: Oct 2017
Location: TX
Posts: 6,536
@Blue_Bird I hope your med change will help you. I struggle with dissociation as well, and it is no picnic. Luckily, it hasn't been so bad for me lately.

@Victoria'smom So sorry for what you're going through. I hope you are able to get Victoria the help she needs.

I'm doing pretty good this morning; slept very well last night. Had a dream with my paternal grandfather in it which is weird; he passed away when I was in 10th grade, and I didn't know him that well because he dealt with a long bout of Alzheimer's at the end.

I went for a walk this morning but I should have stuck with pilates. It was very cold outside, and my Raynaud's really acted up. About halfway through my walk I saw flashing lights and the remnants of a traffic accident.
Possible trigger:


The sunrise this morning was gorgeous though. After my shower, I ran a bath and soaked for a long time trying to get feeling back in my hands and arms. I got wrinkly and wanted to run more hot water, but I had used the hot water up and had to get out. My K-cup maker picked this morning to not work and need descaling. On the positive side, it completely descaled on the first try; often it takes 2 or more tries to get it all the way descaled. I had fantastic concentration reading with the SAD lamp. Drawing was a bit meh though. I drew a treehouse with one point perspective, and it took me ages; my next drawing didn't really turn out either (results in the Creative Corner forum for what it's worth). Still even with descaling the coffee maker (which normally puts me in a terrible mood) and not having the greatest drawing day, my mood still is good, pretty happy actually.

I am so pleased with how much the SAD lamp has helped me. Near the end of November, when I first started the SAD lamp, I was so depressed, having nearly constant SI thoughts, wanting to end it all, and just a couple weeks later, things were improving, and by a month later, were pretty darn good. I never thought it was possible to go from so depressed to feeling so good and stable without it turning straight away into mania.

I need to get my daughter up; she doesn't have class on Fridays, but she does a volunteer shift at the library at 2 PM, and since she takes ages to get ready she needs to get up. She's such a night owl, stays up way too late watching YouTube and TikTok, but she's 17 years old, practically an adult, and she is very responsible in other ways, not at all a problem child, and H & I figure she is at the point where we need to let her be in charge of her sleep for the most part.
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Bipolar 1, PTSD, anorexia, panic disorder, ADHD

Seroquel, Cymbalta, propanolol, buspirone, Trazodone, gabapentin, lamotrigine, hydroxyzine,

There's a crack in everything. That is how the light gets in.
--Leonard Cohen
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Thanks for this!
LadyShadow, unaluna