The person I've become is brittle, sharp tongued, heartbroken, sad, and hardened - all as a result of being abused and bullied.

I am not soft anymore... I don't know what I've become, but I don't like who I see, and it breaks my heart. My heart hurts from all the pain and suffering I've had to endure. It's far too much for one person to bear - for the average person to bear - most would have crumbled long ago, and I have fallen down many times. I've had to get up and fight my way forward, each and every time.

It's just too much, and I feel incredibly burdened by these feelings. Not only burdened, but incredibly alone with it.

No wonder at work the response or feedback initially was that I am "sharp", and I think it meant sharp tongued. I can come across as condemning and blaming or accusatory, especially when I feel I am being treated unfairly. And at work, I've been placed at such a HUGE disadvantage. My boss not knowing a single thing about my field of expertise, yet having to manage me and advocate my strategies on my behalf? Working as the solo person in the whole company in charge of what I do, when it's a constant battle to be heard, appreciated, understood, and also respected, not only to have my strategies implemented, but also incorporated regularly. No one there is conditioned yet to include me in their planning or own strategies. It's an afterthought, and often people just don't even pay attention to it or heed it any value. So I have to fight for it.

This has been a constant in my whole life - having to fight for what I believe in and need. And I've had to fight and stand up for myself ALL MY LIFE.

I cannot battle anymore. I am done. I give up and I throw up my hands. The only one who can help is God, because only God can work miracles, and I need a miracle.

I need relief from all this burden and these burdensome emotions. I am an emotional wreck right now.