Sku: Psychosis is a very serious illness, unfortunately. You do need to take your medicine to be better...
Pray tell.
Katie Kaboom, listen up...
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My personal definition of recovery is based on two essential elements:
- You can say about yourself: I am getting better.
- Those around you, those you identify as your support team can also say: You are getting better.
Source: Personal Definitions of Recovery
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Do you identify that medication as being helpful to you? Does your support team identify it as being helpful to you? If it's helpful, I suggest you continue. If it's not helpful, I suggest you investigate your options.
Your chances of coming off successfully will be increased if you do the following...
1: Inform yourself about the medication -- the benefits, the risks, the side-effects.
2: Inform yourself about the realities of withdrawal. There are some links in the Resources area that can help you in that regard. In particular, I recommend the guide on coming off psychiatric medications, the mind.org link on why people come off, as well as a book by Dr. Peter Breggin titled
Your Drug May Be Your Problem.
3: Investigate alternatives -- this could include alternative treatments (i.e., nutritional, talk therapy) as well as coping skills.
4: Solicit the support of your immediate circle -- your family and friends. Some may be supportive, some may be frightened. It's possible you can win their support if you help educate them. That's why the first few steps are so important -- you have to demonstrate that you know what you're talking about.
5: Attempt to solict the support of your doctor. I recall you saying once before that you'd tried to talk to her and you felt easily intimidated. You might find it easier to write her a letter. In the letter, include pertinent details from your homework. Bear in mind, you will have to decide if you're opposed to a specific anti-psychotic (i.e. Risperdal) or all anti-psychotics. If you're content to switch from one to another, that's one thing. If you'd prefer to not have any, that's another.
As an alternative, you may prefer to go doctor shopping for someone who will support you through the coming off process. It may be easier for you to inform your current doctor that you are simply switching doctors rather than attempt to gain her support if you don't think you'll be successful.
Ideally, you will be fully informed and have the support of your family, friends and doctor before you attempt to withdraw. You may find the withdrawal process goes very well; you may find that it's a rough go for you. Remember, you're the one who's in the best position to determine what is helping you and what isn't.
And now, backing up....
Katie Kaboom: the only problem that i have is that i can't believe that people care about me. that i think all the people in my life are lying to me all the time. that my family will leave me any time. sometimes when i'm waiting for them at the train station, i think they will not come because they've decided to kick me out without telling me.
that my only friend doesn't really care about me. that my boyfriend is with me just because he wants to do a good deed. i don't believe he loves me - he's just waiting for something better to come along.
One of the reasons I've been a bit quiet on this front is because I've been spending a lot of time hanging out with a young woman who recently went through an "experience". She's about your age and I assure you, you've crossed my mind in the times I've been talking with her.
One of the things she's found helpful is
Jung's Model of the Psyche, particularly the part related to dealing with shadow content. Listen...
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The downside to the shadow work is that it involves confronting parts of ourselves which are located in the Shadow precisely because they are frightening or shameful. Jungian analysts advise that this work be done only under the supervision of a Jungian analyst, ignoring the fact that this eliminates a large class of people who cannot afford the services of such a professional. Another book (ref?) suggests that at very least one should do the work with the help of a very close friend whom one trusts in order to have a reference in the external world, an anchor and safe haven and source of reinforcement when dark realizations seem to be all out global truths of complete personal unworthiness.
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I have to keep reminding that young woman that I can see her goodness, even if she can't. I also have to keep reminding her that there was a time when I couldn't see my own either but I was very fortunate to have a few people around me who could.
There may be times when you need to borrow the perspective of other people around you. I assure you, I can see your goodness. I have no doubt of it. And I know that the reason your family and boyfriend are there with you is because they can see it too.
You take very good care of yourself Katie Kaboom and pay no mind to the naysayers.