My SI thoughts concern me more than they used to because, when I first started getting them a few years ago, I didn't feel like I could handle them but I wanted to beat them. These past few times I've had SI though, part of me doesn't want to beat them-part of me just wants to give in to them (don't worry-I'm safe and actually have no plan of doing anything). If I was offered a chance to vanish/never have been born, it should would be a tempting offer.