The hurt is the awareness of the times when life wasn't "nice".. I use to squirrel away the feelings I got from the "niceness" and hide it like a dog hiding a bone feeling I had to hide what I got from it incase it was snatched away.. then I would eat to try to keep the feeling.. I think you're the other side of the same coin that instead of trying to hold onto it your trying to rid yourself of it because it feels to overwhelming.. Keep going back it gets easier.. I could be wrong of course..