Things with the art therapist and the prescriber aren't going as well as I'd like. I want to talk to P. I'm trying so hard not to email him. I wonder if he's forgotten me. Even if he hasn't, it feels like he has.

I don't know what my deal is with the art therapist. I try to draw things. I talk about my history but there's no feeling behind it.

With the prescriber, he made me feel really pathetic last time and he wants to focus on this glorious life I'm supposed to have like I'm going to burst out of a cocoon into a beautiful butterfly. I think he thinks I shouldn't talk about the stuff with my ex. He said he was fine with hearing it, but I should focus on changing. I have all these memories and maybe I just want to talk about them sometimes. They affected me. A lot. How is he supposed to understand me if I can't talk about what happened. I feel so stupid like I'm doing therapy wrong. I miss the relationship I had with P.