I recall similar tactics in my marriage, one that no longer is.
I realized too late that it was connected to her feelings of not feeling secure and/or loved. People expect to be loved in the ways that they understand love, and I never did understand her way of loving. And to be honest, I didn’t really want to.
Separating was the right thing to do, though at the time I thought I was doing it for different reasons.

Enough about me. Have you and your wife had talks about what could be at the root of these behaviours? Is yours a relationship where there is honest and open communication, or at least something in the spirit of such?