@HaveHope, your post here doesn’t speak to your namesake at all 😅
We all have our triggers and many are based in our insecurities, which sadly we tend not want to disclose and discuss.
Toyotaman, sounds like your wife has some bad narratives in her head that affect her behaviour, if you take the role of a scientific observer instead of an emotional participant you may find some clues as to why this is happening.

It’s true, sometimes the best thing for everyone is to seperate, but how that happens will influence the next many years of everyone’s life, especially a kids life. If the separation is confusing and messy then so will be the mental states of all involved.
It’s not advice, it’s more like a wish for repentance, but if I could redo my separation I would have exhausted every attempt to get to the fundamental reasons why the relationship has failed.
I did the ol’ cut and run and my family, and especially my daughters, have suffered for the last 6 years for it. Of course, I must add that my experience isn’t and won’t be the same for everyone, it’s just a story from a father with regrets.