It’s hard to find the right words so I don’t think I’m not a good person. It’s that I don’t get why people don’t see and appreciate that. I just want someone to give a $hit about me like I did/do for people. I asked a neighbor would she check on me. She said sure and that was a year and a half ago. Lip service.

7 years seems arbitrary. I don’t see how people have friends they have known since kindergarten. That would be over 10 years even for a teenager.

Being an introvert it’s harder to connect but it’s something we seek. A strong support system is vital in the US where there’s few safety nets for people. And it’s such a shallow and superficial culture, transactional and pragmatic. I recently learned a “connection” I had was strictly transactional. That person has ghosted me.

I’m at a time in my life with no family or close friends, just one real friend out of state. 17 years now. I went to a “friendship mixer” at the senior center. I met one man who said he didn’t want to hear any negativity and a woman who gave me an invalid number. It didn’t ring, just a fast busy signal. Tried from my landline and cell. Either she wrote it wrong accidentally or on purpose.

If they have another one I’ll go because I don’t want to live like this. But I don’t have the resilience to handle another dumping. There are almost 50 women in my exercise class and I wonder if any of them are lonely. Or when I see some of them talking laughing I wonder if they are close friends or acquaintances.

It depends on the sweater. I’ve had literal sweaters unraveling from years of wear and tear. So, sweater or person.



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Sent from my iPhone