I agree with much of what's been said already.

No one would fault you if you chose to extract yourself from the situation. But of course we all know that most situations are more complex than what you can put across in a posting, so undoubtedly there's a lot to take into consideration.

No matter what happens, stay together or leave, you will still have interactions with her, and you need to have some strong boundaries with someone like your wife. It is a bit like dealing with a child rather than an adult partner. Unfortunately, a lot of us have been there.

The type of boundaries you probably need are the kind where you step back from her emotional turmoil and do what you need to do for your daughter and yourself. My approach in your situation would be to not address her tantrum unless she brings it up - she gets a lot of feedback by engaging you in that way. Even if it seems really negative to you, she's getting something out of it.

Secondly, I'd attend to what you and your daughter need. For example, you can't stop her from having an episode, but that doesn't mean that you and your daughter have to go without what you need or suffer her wrath. Personally, I'd wait for this storm to blow over, then in calmer weather change the hardware on the door so that you cannot be locked out. When she seems calm, you can tell her directly and calmly (don't get emotional or placating, that only serves her) that you aren't responsible for her emotional episodes, but you are responsible for making sure that you and your daughter have access to what you need- hence, increased accessibility to that portion of the house.

Boundaries like this aren't meant to intimidate, shame, or otherwise hurt her, but rather their intention should be to not allow her issues and behavior to control the household (and essentially hold it hostage), and to remember that everybody's needs deserve to be met.

JMHO....