Similar here. I just assume any "personal review" of meds I've taken 2+ years ago are inaccurate because I wasn't honest with myself, half the time also using substances, half the time taking them inconsistently, and didn't know I also had ADHD combined type and BPD and probably thought I was hypomanic or mixed a lot more often than I truly was (docs too--one told me hypomania was my baseline. Nope. ADHD hyperactivity can look like psychomotor agitation, and of course the distractibility/hyperfocuses, fast all-over-the-place thoughts, excessive talking, impatience, little sense of danger (although I don't know if I actually have a strong sense of danger and the chronic suicidality/immortality (delusion?) just causes apathy with that) easily getting bored, impulsivity, emotional dysregulation, rushing through things, etc.).

I kinda wonder what my treatment would've looked like if I was more accurately diagnosed way earlier. Hell, when I was first diagnosed with bipolar I saw this nurse practitioner twice and my dad said "she gets hyper, angry, and sad." and the NP just dropped "bipolar." Because if you're under 18 you can't have BPD and if you're female that hasn't failed every class in school you can't have ADHD I guess. (I took honors/AP courses where I did well--stuff you can figure things out intuitively like math, English, and science, and lower level courses for things that were more memorization focused that I sometimes cheated in for stuff like history and psychology, so my weighted GPA was way higher than my unweighted with a report card that was like "AP Statistics: A+ // AP English Composition: A // World History B: C-") and it's theorized that girls w/ADHD tend to learn to mask and stress themselves into other mental illnesses earlier w/more intensity than boys (that probably end up hiding the ADHD when they DO seek treatment for it--at least that was my case I'm sure I'm not the only one).

I'm not saying the bipolar diagnosis was inaccurate--I mean I did get hospitalized for a psychotic depression, get put on antidepressants, and stop sleeping and feel like I was on cocaine for a bit. If anyone's seen Taylor Tomlinson's show on Netflix, it's a stand-up show, she has a story of getting diagnosed with bipolar and telling her friends and them not being surprised. I had a similar story haha. I told my friend and she's like "you've finally figured that out? Did you really need a shrink to know that?" like ahh, my boyfriend's been telling me I'm schizophrenic and I'm like "nooo, I really do have three invisible roommates that try to get me to kill myself."

But now that I know not every time I buy too many hats and have a one night stand in a day is a manic episode--sometimes silly girls just gotta be silly (I was recommended this sub on reddit called r/sillygirlsclub and wow, the distaste)-- it's easier to figure out later on "do I need a cold shower, a snack, or a med change?" I mean I don't figure it out, but it's better than seeing a doctor once looking manic because something excited me or mixed because I was triggered and not really being aware and just going with "I'm upping your antipsychotic."

That was long for just a "yeah, I don't trust med reactions or what other people perceive as reactions or non-reactions." No one's watching me 24/7 as far as I know, (not even myself haha gotta love dissociative black outs).