Quote:
Originally Posted by ArthurFonzarelli
What does psilocybin do to you mentally? How does it help your mood? Does it alter your brain chemistry? Or give you better insight into your psyche? I've tried being positive last 45 years and it never helped me feel better. I have been in a horrible mood since I got very sick at 13. I started dissociating at 13 and became detached from myself and couldn't relate to myself or friends and family and didn't know what was happening to me. And been sick and dysfunctional since.
And I would never go back to a hospital because they have all abused me since 1990 when I was incapacitated.
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It's been a really long time since I've taken any, but from what I remember it just allowed me to break outside my "tradition of thought." I was extremely petulant and cynical (now it just comes in waves), but after those two experiences I chilled out and focused more on being in the moment. I know my bad trip I had a higher dose than the first one on the mountain, and my visual perception went off. I looked at my bed and at who I was with and thought of someone who hurt me in the past and for the rest of the time I felt the psilocybin I wanted to hurt them and couldn't focus on anything else. Afterwards I realized I actually did have at least a bit of a trauma history even if I just called it something really bad that happened. The first time I did it I hiked a mountain in the middle of the night on a clear night and it was probably the first time I felt comfortable enjoying something I normally appreciate on my own with somebody else. The sky looked so beautiful. I felt so close to my girlfriend. Things felt okay for once.
It does alter your brain chemistry. It's kind of the definition of a psychoactive substance. I don't know if it permanently does or can even guess because of course I've been on a lot of other recreational and prescription substances between then and now, and even before. I can tell you today I still have a lot of problems with dissociation (the black-out kind), but what helps with that is keeping active, staying away from substances (I had issues with opioids, weed, alcohol, benzos, and meth in the past and stopping those, mostly anyways I had benzos a few weeks ago and alcohol last December, has made things harder emotionally but easier behaviorally**) and periodically asking myself what I am doing and what I have done so far today.
**I know we're talking about psilocybin which is a narcotic that can get you in trouble, but I personally consider a responsibly planned microdose of psilocybin or a couple hits of marijuana not laced with anything acting as medicine if you know you're not prone to adverse reactions to be on a whole different level than a 6 day meth binge.