It was such a hard day today. It was so hard not to break down into tears while around family/kids.

My wife hates it when I do a play on words, but if our son does it, it is the best thing in the world. She has enjoyed things of mine he has repeated until she finds out that I came up with it then it loses its charm. It hurts to be so revolted by the person that should be a caring companion.

During a video call with wife's parents, they went on and on about how good I am as a dad and support I give to the family and she seemed to agree with them in appreciating that support.

When it comes time to touch me, I might as well have the plague.
I don't even get a hug when I am feeling down or talk about how lonely I feel.
I didn't ever think of myself to be one to cheat, but if there were any woman right now that wanted to be with me, I would happily lean into that companionship.

I am in a situation where I am supposed to be getting a therapist that I get to work with. I had been told it would happen in January.. then the end of January, and now I still don't have someone.

I hate having some hope that I look forward to and count on. Life just over and over again shows me how stupid I am for trusting in or looking for something good to happen. I felt like I held out on the expectation of having someone to talk to. Someone paid to be my friend for an hour and listen to me.