You aren't here right now, so writing here will have to do instead. I'm finding things a bit difficult right now, doing my best to carry on, to keep going. You know, writing this I realise that maybe that's half the problem. Not giving space to what is truly going on for me. The nightmare I had the other day was one of the worst I have had for a fair while. The feeling of utter terror. Something new happened though, in that it actually shocked me to realise that that fear is still very much living inside of me. I have never put two and two together in such a way before.

I want to write more, there is SO much in my head and on my heart, but it feels like too much to put into words.