I'm sorry you're having such a tough time right now. ((((((((blue_roses)))))))
You really sound like you need to get back in therapy. Talk to health and human services about getting some form of medicaid insurance. If that doesn't work, you migt want to look into local psych resources. Some therapists have sliding scales and will lower their charge to accomodate your needs.
In regards to SI, you should check out the recent post on urge surfing. It's really helpful. I've been able to keep myself from hurting myself for quite a long time with that technique.
Know that we're here for you, and welcome to PC! 
Take care,
 
J
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"One by one, as they march, our comrades vanish from our sight, seized by the silent orders of omnipotent death. Very brief is the time in which we can help them, in which their happiness or misery is decided. Be it ours to shed sunshine on their path, to lighten their sorrows by the balm of sympathy, to give them the pure joy of a never-tiring affection, to stregthen failing courage, to instill faith in hours of despair."
-Bertrand Russell
With love and hope,
<~/J\~>
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