My inner critic voice is named Luci. I tell her to shut up, but, she still makes me miserable sometimes.

My husband was unexpectedly asked to work tonight. Second shift, although he usually does third. He normally doesn't work hours that allow me to have a piping hot dinner ready him, but tonight I could. He sure was looking forward to it, when I told him what I had waiting for him. Steaks, baked poatoes, and creamed spinach (which he loves).

Next part isn't so nice.

While making the spinach, Luci struck again. I was doing other things and then checked to see if the water was boiling yet. It should have been. But it wasn't, because I had not turned the burner on. Exasperated, I said out loud to myself, "Well, you didn't even turn it on, you.... (word I'm not going to say here)."

Would I have said that to my husband, if he had made that mistake? Would I have said it to a child I was teaching to cook? Would I have said it to ANYBODY else? Obvious hard no. Of course not. I also don't think I would have spoken up and defended myself, had anybody else said it to me. (My now and forever husband would never, but my ex very well might have.) I probably would start avoiding that person, but I don't think I'd talk back.

Why do I say these things to myself, and allow others to say them to me? Why do I have it in my head that it's OK to aim it at me, but at nobody else? Well, Luci got her voice from somewhere. Not just childhood and adolescence, but well into adulthood and middle age, if I were to show hurt because so-and-so said this and that to me, one of these reactions would have been inevitable.

"Oh, I'm sure he didn't mean it that way."
"You must be exaggerating."
"She was teasing. Just joke back."
"Being teased means they like you. If they didn't, they wouldn't bother."
“What did you do to egg them on?”
"You're too sensitive. Don't let it get to you. Learn to be like a duck and let it roll off your back."

And even if the remark was undeniably cruel and vicious, I got:

"He has a lot on his mind. Just stay out of his way."
"She's probably had a hard day."
"He has an illness. He can't help it."
"Well, people have said and done a whole lot worse to me. If that's the worst thing that ever happens to you, you've got a good life."

There was absolutely no:

"That sure was a mean thing to say to you."
"He/she had no right to speak to you that way."
"That was very unkind of them."
"I can see it hurt your feelings."
"I'm sorry that happened to you."

Rest assured that if I were ever to hurt another person with my words (because the first two sets of statements taught me it was acceptable, perhaps?) I would have been roasted alive. This taught me that it's OK to be mean to me, but not to anybody else.