Not to poke the bear, but even if not diagnosed with "true bipolar" or taking heavy-hitters like benzos or antipsychotics, meds can still be helpful. We're wondering if I'm even bipolar or just BPD+severe ADHD+SUD/substance-induced psychosis, but I know for sure there's one med I started recently that's probably the reason I'm not on a 10 day IEA right now and that's my sleep med: Clonidine.

Regardless of the reason, if anyone is experiencing hypomanic/manic symptoms, they need sleep and rest as much as possible until those symptoms diminish. If a healthier bedtime routine helps get that sleep, great. If meds help get someone the sleep they need, that's great too. As long as it's not dangerous (like New Hampshire street weed, for a passive aggressive jab at our inability to follow literally every other state in New England when it comes to legalization), and it helps get that sleep, you gotta do what you gotta do to keep your wings from melting.

I'm not trying to invalidate your experiences with meds though. You're on benzos and antipsychotics and I myself can't take benzos AT ALL now (last time I did I woke up with duct tape on my mouth and in need of 20+ stitches), and I have a psychiatric advanced directive that says "NO ANTIPSYCHOTICS UNLESS I'M IN THE ER AND AM WREAKING HAVOC!" (okay that was paraphrasing). I was on 30mg diazepam for too friggin long and the effects weren't fun. I almost bleed out in the woods because of Haldol-induced EPS. I temporarily gave up my dreams of hiking the 4thousand footers because of weight gain from clozapine, zyprexa, seroquel, etc..

I get it, they can be awful. I also know that I'm actually blessed to find out that instead of having to take heavy-hitting antipsychotics that working on my shyt with DBT/CBT skills and just straight up drawing out and using the compassion within me (towards myself AND others) is going to significantly help, but I'm realistic and I know drawing a vulnerability chart or feeling solicitude won't help me sleep--which is where meds come in. Have you ever tried some "gentler" meds or (not to get all woo-woo-ey) even homeopathic treatments (like lavender tea or scents) for sleep or mood?


However it plays out, I hope you find some solutions to both your desire to reduce/be off meds and your need for sleep. I hope you find peace with the hate crime situation as well in whatever way possible.