KAIKA: I forgot to say that I don't think my issue is with the bullies, I forgave them a long time ago and rationalized that they must have had some pretty rough lives at home. I hope they somehow overcame their troubled childhoods. However, I doubt they even know half the extent of the fear I had of going to school. I can't imagine they ever said, "I wish I could apologize to Dunnit260." That's ok with me.

My issue is feeling abandoned by the adults in my life at the time. That feeling of being abandoned never went away. So when friends "seem" to abandon me by saying/doing little things that women often do, the feelings all come back. [over and over and over and over and over....] I agree that I'm probably a sensitive person, I find myself asking why would a friend do that to me when she knows I would never do that to her?

I have practically no ability to let the "little things" roll off. These include things like being jealous or trying to make me jealous of weight, income, relationships, beauty, furniture, house size, car, education, and intellect. These things don't matter to me nearly as much as it does for people to just love each other AND THEMSELVES for who they are. If all I had to do is get to know other people, I'd be fine. It seems that they get to know me, a certain pattern keeps reappearing. Friendships, co-worker relationships, and other aquaintances always start out so friendly and cordial. Sooner or later, people (always women, but I'm trying not to stereotype) say the wrong thing, and I'm DONE with them. No confrontation, DONE. I'm scared of the confrontation and I literally shake at the thought of it.

Oprah once said women's friendships are built upon secrets, in further detail she commented that women play little games in their friendships, but lasting friendships are those that we get past the little games and learn to laugh it off. No way, I can't laugh it off. That stuff hurts and it feels just as bad as being teased.