Hi HH,

Wow, that's rough. I would feel pretty overwhelmed if I were in your shoes. It's not surprising you are feeling wary of others after being in that unhealthy atmosphere for five years. Seems like some serious self-love is needed.

It sounds like you are pretty self-critical in your narrative, and I wonder if there's some way you can make space for all those difficult feelings? Maybe getting all that out in your post helped for example, and if so, would it help to make it a regular habit? I've often found journaling about my challenges helps give me some distance from the pain they cause, so I can more easily reflect and prioritize what I would like to change. Other mindfulness practices can be very powerful too, if you're into that sort of thing.

Based on what you were saying about your relationship, it definitely sounds like now is a good time to focus on you. Maybe there's a gentle way you can start connecting to some of those hobbies you mentioned, like going for a weekly hike by yourself or a close friend to start? What other things did the "old you" love doing?

And I totally agree on cutting out the toxic people. My wife and I separated for about a year previously, and the first few months had pretty minimal contact. It gave us time to rediscover ourselves and the kind of people we wanted to spend our time with. We did eventually decide to continue together, but it taught us a lot about how to set boundaries and protect ourselves when we needed it.

I hope that however you are today, you find the opportunity to be kind to yourself. This is not forever. Good luck.