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Yesterday was a great day. We went for a scout in the bush to find a new prospecting spot, got down a bush track only to find it was too narrow, overgrown with bush and thistle to get further,so cut a turn around area and retraced our steps so as to get out without more scratches. This is dense thick prickle bushes, not at all someting that needs preserving. An introduced plant that serves no purpse persae. I spent a good hour cutting the foliage off the track edges so as to avoid yet more scratches. We did find a couple of spots I will go back to when nerves allow. We might do a few more trips out there walking in on foot, just to become more familiar, kind of working with the desensitisation idea. The Psychiatrist wasn't so helpful, although great intentions. I'm not sure why, they again recommended Seroquel despite my having rage issues on it. One cannot use it for sleep if it causes racing heart rage. When I spoke to them about this, they acknowledged and then in the same breath said that's what they thought was best. It would seem the only option I have available at the moment is challenging my belief that sleep is necessary every night.
Today is a great day. I'm tired. And alive. Listened to a podcast on expectations and disappointment. I found it interesting that disappointment is the indicator that we have had expectations, perhaps even not known at the time. And expectations not met, which lead to disappointment, are all based in fear of one sort or another. Fear of not being heard, not being seen, not being loved, not being understood. I've watched snippets of this info over the last few week, it really made sense today and hit home when I look at my past. Kind of as profound as emotions are chemicals, we put meaning to, which can be challenged. Its amazing how often I find an emotion rise and there's an automatic response, which I need to consciously think "ok, when did I decide that this is the most beneficial response to that feeling. So a morning of brain work.
Having a cuppa now, its warming up wonderfully. YAY. Stay awesome one and all
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"Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes"
Success and failure are two of many words we get to define, not society. Our success depends on definition and intentions, not actions
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