Razzleberry said:
The Bipolar disorder does not excuse her behavior, but it does help to explain it. If she had killed someone instead of cheating, she would be in jail because she still knew right from wrong. But the disordered thinking impaired her judgement.

I think you're exactly right. I truly believe she knows right from wrong - she shows remorse and fear when I confront her, which she wouldn't if she was amoral or a sociopath.

By the way gordian...your story broke my heart enough to break off a nearly 6 month affair. I am not proud of what I did, and I still need a lot of help, but seeing just how painful it could be for my husband and child was enough to make me finally stop and get help.

Wow. That's amazing, Razzleberry. I'm really glad about that, especially for your child's sake. I know it couldn't've been easy. Good on you for choosing the more difficult - but right - road.

And I do have a Bipolar I diagnosis now. Not just depression. A big relief to know what's really going on with me now.

It is a huge relief to be able to attach a name and a treatment plan to your problem, isn't it? When my wife was finally diagnosed with Bipolar disorder a few months ago, I started to read up on it... and I promptly started kicking myself for not doing more reading to figure it out myself before. I mean, Bipolar disorder is hugely misdiagnosed as depression by many doctors and therapists... and antidepressant meds can drive people with bipolar to extreme manic states and suicide! A few standard questions would allow doctors to determine bipolar vs. depression, but since so many of them are so eager to toss a few Prozac your way and hustle you out of their office, they don't ask them. And so my wife - and you, and many others - get worse and stay ill needlessly for years.

Mental illness sucks. As a science, it's only a little over 100 years old. If you compare it to the practice of medicine, mental illness treatment is still at the stage of applying leeches to your body to drain bad blood and evil spirits. It's in its infancy.