Hi

Over the years I have become more and more bitter, depressed and anti-social. All my life I have been told that I "march to the beat of a different drummer" and everyone I meet just seems to automatically hate me. Even "good" people like religious figures and doctors shy away from me as if I have the plague or something. I feel like a marked man because people just "turn off" to me.

Is it the way I dress?. The way I talk?. Is everyone on the planet just plain rude?. I don't know. Even over the phone people seem very hurried, rude and impatient. Maybe it's a "sign of the times" or something. People can be extremely rude and nasty but I would like to think that there are at least a few good people left out there.

I read the news a lot and no doubt I am very jaded by all the things going on in the world today (perhaps this is why other people are bitter as well). I walk around in what seems like an incurable depressive state that not even a bottle of Jim Beam would cure. Life is just so hard and I get to the point where I sometimes want to just slap someone (but of course, I don't). Instead, I spend some time with my animals because they don't judge me orsay hurtful things to me or treat me like a total piece of crap or act like my friend just because they think they can squeeze a dime out of me, etc.

Life and allof it's associated problems just seems to be hopeless at times. I live with another person and he makes friends sooo easily and is always friendly and full of life and yet I am always bitter and constantly complaining about life in general. Is it really true that "life sucks and then you die"?. It sure seems that way sometimes. I have become this grumpy, bitter old troll. The proverbial "grumpy old man" I swore I would never be when I was younger - and yet here I am.

My depression, ADD, OCD has driven off nearly all of my friends and made my life unbareable. I can't even turn to my parents because they are have become so totally obscessed with religion that I can't even seem to "reach" them anymore. My brother is just like me and so was my maternal grandmother. My mother is also becoming like me (depressed, bitter, etc). Is this thing genetic?. Even the clinic I went to for 7-8 years no longer wants anything to do with me.

The Bible teaches us to "love" people but how can you love them when many of the people you meet at the grocery, at work, in traffic, etc are so filled with hate and seem to be mad at the world and have a huge chip on thier shoulder?. I see people on TV all the time who make 800G's a month, fly around in a private jet, own 7 mansions and don't mind spending a million dollars for an antique teddy bear when lot's of people can't even afford to fed themselves or buy medication. I just don't understand life and I want to be a dictator so I can wave my magic wand and make everything "ok".

Anyway, sorry for the rant. I'm not trying to bash the super-rich, I'm non-political and there is nothing wrong with teddy bears. I just feel like there is no hope anymore and nobody gives a crap (even though they say that they do).

- Regards