I was talking to my son the other day, explaining what I was doing while he and his mother were gone, while I was alone. I would get up early, do a light exercise at home before work, eat out twice a week for dinner, driving range once a week after work, business class one night a week(female student made a pass on me and said she loved me-I didn't pursue that-but it felt good), and piano class one night a week. While I was telling him this, I remember listening to myself(while telling him this) and felt amazingly proud of myself and just said, "wow!" My son was looking at me with a smile on his face. I could tell he was also impressed. He really wanted to know why I stopped. I explained that I was mentally upside down, due to his mother. But I told him I was working on it.

To be honest when she came home, I stopped everything to focused on her, on us. She left a few months later(maybe 4 or 5 months later). And now I know I have to reboot, just haven't yet. She's been gone for about 9 months or so, feels like 3 or 4 weeks. I feel depleted, scared, and lost. I know the method of taking care of yourself works on many levels, just have to find that initial push to get going. But currently I do feel very low again.

I have no friends, no real family(sisters and a brother, I don't really talk to any other family). I do have one older friend back home that I call sometimes. Some may suspect that my wife is gone but I won't confirm it. I feel ashamed.