I was kind of dumb tonight. I have over a hundred emails from L in my inbox. So I decided to start putting them in their folder. But there are a few I wanted to keep in my inbox, so I was reading past emails. I read one from Sept 2023 when she was pregnant with her first. I asked her questions about her pregnancy and she answered in that email. Omg, did that hurt. It was like reading her gushing about how wonderful pregnancy is. I know I asked the questions and back then I was able to take that information in. But now, with this pregnancy, that email was painful. That coupled with her using the word “excited” to describe her pregnancy this time… Just so painful. I know she’s not, but it felt like she was rubbing it in my face. Like telling me how wonderful pregnancy and motherhood are. I shouldn’t be so sensitive. The email was 1.5 years ago. And still it hurts.