[QUOTE=RDMercer;7473428]Your response reminded me of something important

I’ve failed to address the projection part of my recovery.

This is very common and it’s important to learn how to pay attention to how we can unknowingly project an image of someone that doesn’t exist. As you have been slowly trying to adjust to accepting reality you had been pointing out different things you were enjoying that your wife never enjoyed. You did not experience real love, instead you loved what you created in your mind and you blamed yourself anytime problems cropped up. You were committed to thinking the only reason things did not work out was because you failed. That’s not true and there was never anything you could do to change your wife. This is what your son and daughter have come to accept and understand how to not blame themselves for her lacks.

Toxic people want you to react badly so they can use it against you. This is called baiting, gaslighting and manipulation. When you experience these moments it’s just a reminder of what you created and not what was really there.