Only got 90 minutes of sleep last night, from midnight to 1:30am and feeling pretty ragged. Got a stunning amount of housework done tho. My place is more organized now. It's just astonishing the huge amount of work it is to keep one person's life running smoothly. I don't know how moms do it. Admiration.

I got some melatonin gummies that a nice woman in my morning ZOOM event uses. I was too tired to read the directions, so i just took one and lay down. Didn't sleep. Took another. Still didn't sleep. Feeling dazed and depressed from sleep deprivation.

I had a a rotten argument yesterday, and i felt really bad about it today. I talked it over with my ZOOM group. I wrote a letter of apology and took it to the woman in question. She didn't read it, as she probably has trouble reading English. Instead she engaged me in conversation and i told her verbally how sorry i was about yesterday. She was very good, and said everyone has bad days, and that she accepted my apology.

So that went well, except i cried a few tears while i was talking to her and i feel yet more exhausted now. I keep trying to help people who are struggling. Yet they haven't asked for my help, and it may be unwelcome. I've certainly met with my share of rejection this year.

I think i better start focusing on running my own life. I've plowed thru a mountain of laundry, and a heap of dishes today. My new bed came -- a roll-away cot. It was several days late in arriving. It said, "Made in Italy," and my heart sank, as the Italians are not known for manufacturing, except for cars.

Sure enough, the bag of parts is missing, so i can't set up the cot. At least i can sleep on the foam mattress, which is a vast improvement over the air mattress i have been struggling along with. It's hazardous getting up off the floor first thing in the "morning" (or the dead of night like today).

I'm dopey, and not mindful and this morning i fell back down. I usually try and use a chair, but i grabbed on to my dresser this morning, and am lucky i didn't pull it down on top of me.

Life at 235 pounds is stressful. I've been eating lots of fruit these past few days. I really enjoy it. If i eat raw veggies i just end up having a dip with them, and that defeats the purpose. Might as well just eat what i like, which is fruit.

Well, i feel all crashed-out and depressed. My episode of high mood has come to a screeching halt. I've canceled out of three projects. It might just be the extreme sleep deprivation talking, but i really feel my hypomania is over.