My selfishness is going to leave us homeless and hungry.


I took my sleeping medicine because I think I promised my therapist I would. I'm happy I stayed sober today first day in awhile. I need to shower tomorrow haven't showered since the funeral weeks ago, haven't changed either. I care very little about how disgusting that is.

The voice Isn't a normal voice I can't tell if it's male or female. H asked if it was my voice and I did tell him it was implanted. I also told him what it says and my feelings on treatment. He said they seem to help up until now. He didn't argue with me about not taking my medicine. I decided to because I think I promised t I would and I want to keep there trust. I see my pdoc in 12 days. T may ask me to send a message to him. I see t 4x before that appointment. I'm trying not to pull away. I'm posting here mainly for accountability and a journal so I know want to say. It's funny no human is a waste of space in my mind.... except me. I decided I was safe because anything I'd do would just make my situation worse. My Dr hasn't filled out my vocational rehab form. I'm worried if I ask my pdoc or t to they'll mark to disabled to work.

My teeth are so bad I removed a tooth yesterday. I refuse to tell h because he worries about my health and sanity when I start removing dead teeth. I'm to scared of the dentist and I don't have the money for 4 ons yet but my mouth hasn't stopped hurting since I did that and I'm so ****ed up I'm okay with it. I'm trying to edit so it's not as triggering.

Id classify me as comfortably numb.