1) Never be clean/sober again
2) Spend a portion of every day hurting myself, yelling at people, and doing shyt like stabbing my mattress
3) kill myself (not even sure if this is an option: I could swim in the Arctic naked after chugging a fifth and end up in a polar bear's gut and probably still be producing and using ATP which is probably the only not harmful thing I'm capable of--but that stupid ATP is quite the enabler)

Was sticking with 2 for a bit, then went to 1, today started with 2, but I'm really considering 3. But I've tried option 3 four times since mid- December and all I got was duct tape on my mouth.

Is there an option I'm not seeing?