Atredies said: I believe that when two ppl are truely in love they can beat any obstacle. This does include affairs. ...I believe that if you take a hard look at your wife and use a good understanding of what your wife's disorder is about that you will see a similar pattern in her. ...Please try to remember that there is nothing in life we can not handle and work out. ...Once you have given everything you have to give for your marriage you find more that you can give to it.

I read over your message several times, and I'm trying to organize my thoughts about it. [Added after: When reading this, please know that I'm honestly glad you shared your views, and that any emotion in my words isn't in any way directed towards you.]

I can absolutely see the patterns of my wife's behaviour and I'm sure that much of her infidelity is linked to her mental illness. I'm also positive that I can keep giving of myself to preserve our marriage, because I've done it for over a decade. I could probably even continue to tamp down my frustration and resentment and be resignedly content for the remainder of our lives together.

Is love worth all of that? Is love so singularly vital that it sits alone at the top of a pedestal?

What about respect, partnership, trust, sharing, understanding and communication? If all of that is just plain not there, and my wife shows no motivation to try to help build it, is love enough glue to keep things from flying apart?

How much should I give in the name of love? How much should I sacrifice? How much more should I let myself fracture and fray to be a life support system for someone who keeps choosing not to help herself? Love is not perpetually being someone's rescuer and always accepting their damaging behaviour while your own needs become forever secondary.

This whole situation is embarrassing. That sounds ridiculously trivial considering all that's happened, but it's true. I'm embarrassed. I even stopped posting on this board for awhile because talking about this situation makes me feel humiliated and foolish.