Welcome to this site, @rei from evangelion.

As I read your post, I forgot that it's in the "Mental Health Support > Depression" forum. So I started to think, "this is an amazing, angsty, stream of conscious!" In which case your desire to be an artist has been achieved!

@Blueberrybook is right about how difficult the teen years are. But I think it's important to stop saying disparaging things to/about yourself.

I hope you'll pop in to visit your school's social worker just to say "hi." If you feel comfortable with him or her, ask, "My friend said she feels that she's a disgusting, horrible person who deserves nothing. What should I do?"

BTW, I started my diary when I was 13. I wrote similar things about myself. I remember an assignment in grade 8 English class; I was probably 14, too. Each of us was supposed to write about why we would be a good friend or not be a good friend. I chose "not" and mentioned many of my annoying mannerisms. The teacher thought it was so well written that she read it out loud to the class!