I have to stop eating, just have to.. I need better will power, more of it, less pain.. I don't want to trigger people but.. It's horrible.. I can't eat, I need to not eat, I have to shed more weight... Fat.. Fat FAt FAAAATTT!! that's all I hear, everytime I eat.. Stop it you fat %#@&#!, ugh you big ugly pig..

I see food, I have to eat it.. But now, now I'm giving it all away, no more food for me.. And I think one of the key workers here has cottoned on.. Damn!! I can't let him know, let him find out.. I need to get rid of all of my food.. without wasting my money.. But what about when I have to go to my boyfriends house? What am I going to do when they try and get me to eat? I can't just not eat tea when they're there.. It's awful.. And they're going to cop on soon enough and find out and probably have a really long talk with me about it and I'll cry... Ugh, I can't cry.. Don't like crying, especially not infront of people.. What'll they think?

I just want to be thin.. Is that so much to ask? I don't care if I'm thin enough to some, and that I have curves in all the right places.. I need to lose just a little more weight.. another half a stone, and that's fine..