Obviously, I'm not a professional, but it sounds like you're spiraling. Have you considered in-patient to try to get to a more stable baseline? It sounds like you're going through some stressful stuff. I've found that when I'm not doing well, I'm not able to tolerate any kind of additional stress. Maybe if you can get more help, not less, it will make tolerating the stressful things a little easier. Does your treatment team know how much you're self-harming and that you're using drugs. I'm making an assumption you weren't talking about prescribed meds, so sorry if I'm assuming wrong.