Dear T,

I wanted to add on to the email about dates that I'm not bothered if you can't do them. I didn't want to sound rude though, but I am really just not bothered. I couldn't care less at the moment. If you emailed to say you weren't returning to work I think I would secretly be pretty pleased to be honest. The only thing that is keeping me tied in is the colossal amount of money I have already spent on this. Part of me is telling me that it would be wasted if I gave up now, but the other part is saying that I am just throwing good money after bad. That part is currently winning. I don't think I am ever going to 'get better' as you have put it. All those times I have felt hope, I was just kidding myself.

I do not want to continue doing this, and yet I know I will.... why?