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Well, my psychosis follows really directly after full mania and it's BAD. I would call my thinking pretty darn disorganized. I don't remember a lot of it. I always KNOW I'm talking to God and learning all sorts of secrets and feeling like I can do anything. Definitely don't want to sleep. I start throwing up and not really talking to people. I just apparently walk all over the house randomly throwing up places; when I start that now, H just takes me straight to the psych ER. Flashes of H speeding through red lights thinking cool, we can get through all the traffic lights just for me. I see things, mostly what I think is Heaven Not much remembrance of intake, maybe a remembrance of a CT or something and them having trouble getting me to lie still then just blankness for days, still thinking I'm talking to God, yelling, sometimes police around, got a couple of court orders for holds of a certain period (not that I knew that until I came out of it), saying/screaming things I'd never even THINK in real life (from the little I recall), mostly amensia for days on end (nearing to a week until the APs kick in), screaming, more God showing me secrets of the universe, last time I lost my voice from screaming and was put in restraints and really (TMI and adult diaper). Um, so yeah, my psychosis is really pretty obvious, no hiding it.
In mania I will get auditory hallucinations which if not reigned in often turn to psychosis. The only good/neat part about the psychosis was the talking to God bit. I never did think I was God, just He was talking to me but it was always a positive experience. (Parts of me at times want to get psychotic again just for the God part.) I've forgotten nearly everything else that happened while I was psycotic (including an ambulance ride to and from another hospital after a seizure that I guess looked like the real thing but was a PNES type seizure). I don't remember a thing of any of it; H tells me it was a nightmare as it was actually on Thanksgiving day, the hospital was understaffed, we were there waiting forever and ever.
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Bipolar 1, PTSD, anorexia, panic disorder, ADHD
Seroquel, Cymbalta, propanolol, buspirone, Trazodone, gabapentin, lamotrigine, hydroxyzine,
There's a crack in everything. That is how the light gets in.
--Leonard Cohen
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