I don't think I have the emotional resilience for a real relationship. Even just the smallest things can sometimes make me feel deeply sad. All relationships have their ups and downs and if my default response to any minor little annoyance (like her unintentionally falling asleep without saying good night) is to get sad then that means I can't handle real stress. I'd like to have sex (for the first time in many years) but I can't do casual sex since I require an emotional connection to get anything from it. I just feel like I'm going to be alone forever, so when my mother dies I will have nothing and no one in my life, I'll be truly alone. And that realization terrifies me.