@NovaBlaze Honestly, the stuff you have mentioned I have been practicing ever since i had a really bad break with an FP. For the most part, with most relationships, I am ok. The difference here and/or with a lot of FPs in my experience is that they hold some sort of authority or are around in my everyday world that should something like bad happen, it would be an even more detrimental loss since I have to see them every day. And also, like I get something from them that i don't get from others really. But the main fact is that i somehow like subconsciously build it all up as that i NEED the relationship to work.

I will say though, that through all of my "mistakes" in the past, I didn't let my anxiety make me do anything this time, and guess what? I did get another reply. My patience was rewarded. And i wrote back and even got another reply. That said, the reply was a little like, "ok ive answered you. Happy to help", but then that seems to be the end of things, for now. That's okay though. We see each other in a group setting almost every month, and should something that might relate to us both come up, i can try talking again.

The thing is, I've known this lady most of my life, but never really talked. Age differences, and I was shy. I think she might be a little bit shy too actually, but i can remember a few instances when she was chatty with a couple of others and I always just thought she was so cool, even though I only really knew her from a handful of meetings. I knew better one of her relatives actually. Yeah, but then we kinda went our separate ways, or maybe i was even kind of left. Now it's hard to remember who all ghosted me back then and who i just never contacted again. But so like, i feel there is kind of an elephant int the room... but on the other hand, i feel a mutual respect with her and want to know HER now and not bother talking about the past, unless of course, the topic presents itself. But yeah, i mean, ultimately i do have to remind myself of all of those thi gs you mentioned, but at the same time, even if my mind knows one thing, my body and heart do not and i still get stressed or disappointed.

@MuddyBoots Only people i have talked to online have thought it possible i have bpd, but when tested for that, i didn't have that. Actually they gave me the dependent one, but it's hard to know whether it's actually a disorder or because i am mostly codependent with a lot of things.

But yeah, of course I'd be interested in that worksheet, if it isn't trouble for you to share it. I actually did take a few classes of dbt, or rather individual sessions, but because of personal life choices, many like what are they called? lessons, for lack of a better word, i couldn't actually complete, and apparently you have to complete LEVELS (that's a better word), before moving on to the next. Also, it was getting expensive, and i was finding a few dbt things for free online anyway. So yeah. But like i just sometimes need to talk through things and have a support team (like you folks on here). I can't see a therapist right now for many reasons, so sometimes it's a little hard and lonely going through these big emotions, ya know?

P.s. read above for more info and updates about the FP