Hello, brand new to this forum....I'm writing about my 34 year old divorced son. He got together with a girl about 10 years ago, she was pregnant with someone else's baby (the guy went back to his wife and is not in the picture). My son was in the delivery room when B was born and has been "Dad" to B for 10 years. During these 10 years, my son married the girl, they had a son together, and then divorced.

My son has treated B like his own child for the boy's entire life (B doesn't know my son isn't his "real" dad). My son's actual son, J, is now 7. My son has always taken both boys on the same visitation schedule (he only pays child support for J).

In the past year or two, B has become very hard to handle. His mother gave him a cell phone that is used so she can track him/them and also so she can FaceTime him whenever she likes. B has a habit of reporting back to her everything my son says and does--it's like having her in the room at all times. He's also very disruptive, loud, disrespectful, rude, etc. No one has a good time when my son has both boys--and he has both of them around 5 times per week, including 2 overnights. (She's since had a third son--they all live in one bedroom at her mom's house so she loves having 2 of her kids out of the house quite often)

My son is to the point where he can't spend 2 minutes with J, because B takes all the energy out of the room at all times. We've told him that J deserves his father's attention without constant interruption from B. I feel that J is missing out on so much, and so is my son. In addition, she won't allow either boy over to our house, for reasons unknown to us, so I hardly have any relationship with either boys. We've always treated B the same as J, but it's to the point where I don't want to spend time with them because B is so rude and disrespectful and J is starting to pick up on his habits as well.

We have tried telling my son that it's in his and J's best interests to not include B anymore (or as often) but he is fighting that (even though he is miserable), because 1) he would feel guilty, and 2) she'd likely tell B my son is not his real father, and my son doesn't want him to know. (Personally, I think they should have told him a few years ago; waiting until he's older is only going to be worse)

The thing is, if she were healthy (I suspect some mental health issues) she'd appreciate everything my son does with B and not use B to make my son's time with the boys miserable. But she's not. My son isn't allowed to take the boys on vacation because B is not his, yet he's expected to treat B as "his" in every other way. We'd love to take my son and grandson on vacation, but can't at this point.

I feel my son has gone over and above for B but it's to the point where something has to give. I know separating the boys isn't ideal, but J deserves a happy, mentally healthy father, and right now, that's just not the case.

Sorry for the long story.....any comments are welcome! Thank you!