Then family counseling. I dont see why she sets the rules for his time. Maybe a therapist can help you all change those rules. Otherwise go back to a judge and get full custody of J and get away from her craziness. Start documenting her rules, if you havent already.

ETA - Morality doesnt really mean anything here, it all depends on what a judge will allow her to do. Her not allowing stuff your son wantz to reasonably do sounds like parental alienation and judges frown upon that, like hard.