Hey DA. I agree, you do write well and you could try writing a story, of whatever length the story happens to be, of whatever subject it happens to choose for itself.
Aside from that, the internal struggle is a familiar one, especially the one against guilt.
You seem keenly aware of the unreasonable nature of it, that you understand that you don’t deserve it but nonetheless, it persists.
Also, it seems that you are already resisting, but to go to war with it is counter productive, which I also assume that you understand. You seem to be on the right track to better understand and eventually strip these negative “voices” of their power, and you should just keep at it, again, I’m quite certain that that is already your intention.
“Like wind on a rock” is how someone described imperceptible action, in this case, change, and though there is no clear indication of it, it is happening to you right now. We mustn’t let up.