Welp, made it a whole week totally clean/sober now. I'm on my third day back on meds and the SI is back today, but just passively right now. I really want to self-harm though.

I loooove being on meds they help soooooo much..... I loooooove the drive down to the office and not being able to do any real hikes or ski in the morning when conditions are least sucky because I have to do med management at 9am every day... I looooove how I had to pay for a new bottle of cold medicine because there was an interaction with the stuff I was taking and my sleep med....