Quote:
Originally Posted by Deejay14
Oh Rose...
Dismayed to read things are not getting better. I can understand about not wanting to get help/ feeling that you don't matter but the key to stability and a better life is seeing a doctor/psychiatrist to get out of these cycles. I know it takes some effort a d when your depressed putting in effort is a job and a half. If you had stomach issues you'd see a gastro doc. I know each area of the country is different with available services. I think you are deserving of a better life seeing that you took care of your boyfriend for so long.. Time to be good to yourself. In AA they use the phrase "stinkin' thinking" as a factor which keeps them drunk, but that seems to be part of the problem for you in anyone's depressive episode.
Please try to put yourself on the human services radar. Call that place your previous doc worked and tell them you need help...do they have a replacement and if not can they give you names and referrals. No one should have to feel this way repeatedly for so long.
Again you matter here...you have helped so many. Please take the time to try to help yourself so you can have a good life
I mean all this in the best ways possible so please do not feel offended.. That is not my purpose. I am on the East coast., but keep reaching out because YOU ARE WORTH IT.
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Thank you. I have to give a lot of thought to what you've advised in this post. The health care network that I'm using is very good in many ways. It is a big teaching hospital with satellite clinics for primary care and for specialty areas. I feel their caliber of service is excellent in a wide diversity of areas, with one exception. Their psych department is nothing to brag about.
A year ago, I asked my primary doctor to refer me for some psych care. He said he was hesitant to refer me to the hospital's psych services facility because he said "That place is a ***** show." I knew that myself, but it surprised me that he stated that so baldly. He agreed to refer me to someone, and that seemed helpful, but it didn't last long at all.
These episodes I experience, when I'm under bad emotional stress, are waking nightmares. It does seem inhuman that I go through these "attacks" completely alone with zero support. When I visit my primary care MD, he doesn't even ask how my mental health is doing.
I feel like professionals in healthcare never quite believe that I have a serious emotional problem. I think that's because I "present" well. I have so much experience masking my inner distress. I had to do that to be able to stay employed and just to be able to live halfways normal. Even in grammar school, I felt mentally distressed. I tried to confide that to a teacher, who seemed unable to comprehend what I was trying to say. My grades were good, so teachers told me I would go far. I've gone far, alright . . . far into mental h€||.
I'm exhausted now, but I'll think more about this. Thank you for helping me to believe that I have a right to not be so ignored. I know it's each individual's responsibility to figure out how to make life meaningful. But I think, at times, I get judged as just not trying hard enough to resolve my problems, which don't seem like they're any big deal.
I have to try to sleep.