@MuddyBoots , I only realized that after therapy when I was thinking about how bad I'm actually doing it creeped up on me, that I should have known given that I wanted a divorce . What sucks is I saw pdoc Wednesday and I mentioned some depressive symptoms but I was / am truly unaware of how bad I'm doing like really, I'm not sure really where I sit. So there was no med changes because it could be the housing situation but given that just the next day my t was going to call the crisis team on me I'm obviously unwell. I don't know how to explain everything to my pdoc. My chest is still tight, being ripped apart and empty. I'm not joking around like usual, I feel like when I walk in a room I bring it down. I may or may not be sui, it's just awful not knowing how and why you feel the way you do. T has wanted my meds adjusted for months the whole going from laughing to crying freaks her out I think. I don't know which way is up right now. I feel like I'm drowning but nothing is wrong. I'm supposed to be doing school work but who the hell cares, I haven't even told t I got a scholarship to my classes weeks ago. I just don't know.