Yes I can relate to it. I was so guarded for so long, I struggled (and still do) to know who I really am. As in, who I was born to be. Who would I be if the trauma hadn’t completely altered my brain.

I feel like in therapy they might say the parts of you that you mentioned, are parts that have evolved to keep you safe when scary things happened to you. Like the bit that tries to obsessively work out what other people mean or that they are thinking negative things. I know that was really important to me for a long time, because knowing how other people were or what they might do next gave me some idea of what is going to happen to me…so I could prepare for it some how. It is hard to unlearn all these things that were once so helpful. And it is exhausting being anxious all the time, I still struggle with that.