Obsessive thinking, cpstd and living as if I viewed the world from behind a huge glass window that Kept me apart. For me being a child of emotional abuse I internalised all my mother's negativity toward me and fed it. Took many years of taking things apart little by little for me to have internal space for me... It's a long journey in therapy to be free of those negative programmes.. But as I have to live this life I decided to add long term therapy alongside it..thst way at times I became frustrated at the time healing took I remembered how many year as a child I had to live with the awful toxic lessons I had to live with.