You’re a saint.

Thank you for understanding. You listened to me and I feel quite relieved by your comment.

You got most things right but this one. I don’t fear to tell her how I feel because I will hear that she’s not interested, I believe that an upfront rejection would help me actually. I fear to tell her because it could jeopardise our friendship which I cherish. It could seem like Im trying to win her over, or like im a sly guy. I think it’s inappropriate to tell her knowing she’s in a relationship. Even if she reciprocated I wouldn’t want to be the one who causes a breakup or some discord in her life.

If she said no, I’d feel sad of course but also relieved that she knows how deeply I value her.

Your point about subtle cues is very true. I find it funny because I was always moralising my friends about this but I couldn’t deal with this myself.

It’s hard to be on my own because of the way I was raised I suppose. A relationship is a very big source of happiness for me. And I know that theres this notion that you need to be happy on your own but I just can’t seem to agree with this. I agree on the self-wroth part tho, I struggle with this. I feel like im not enough, always.