Quote:
Originally Posted by Albatross2008
My inner critic voice is named Luci. I tell her to shut up, but, she still makes me miserable sometimes.
...
While making the spinach, Luci struck again.
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This bold sentence is written as if
Luci were making the spinach, but no, it was
YOU. You are a whole person, and Luci is just one voice, a part of you that ideally should recede into non-being.
I do not know how much linguistic/semantic experimentation would help, but it is worth trying. Say, if you state instead:
While making the spinach, I heard Luci strike again....
... you can then continue the sentence and say "
...but I told Luci to shut the **** up and proceeded to..." and list the corrective steps you took that ultimately resulted in your H being so happy with the piping hot meal, a rare treat.
By contrast, the sentence, as originally written, is a dead end –
While making the spinach, Luci struck again. end of story. Luci got to win. Again.