First I would like to apologize for not being here as much. I am dealing with some....stuff that is really heavy.

One of my littles has been coming out at night and I am not too happy about it. I mean, it's ok that it's here and with my BF, but I HATE that I am not in control and I can't remember what she says. Normally, I am co-conscious, but when I take my sleeping pills, my inhibitions are gone.

It makes me very anxious and nervous as I don't know what she may say when I take my meds. I am going to talk to my PNP on Thursday and see what she thinks about the meds. My T said that I need to tell her what I am going through.

It is sort of a catch 22 because on one hand we are learning a LOT about my little and about why she is so angry with the other little. She is opening up more with my BF and trusting him a lot. On the other hand I don't like being so out of control.

Ugh...anyways....I am very confused right now.

BJ