Yesterday i wrote a negative email to the therapist telling between the lines that I regret entering psychiatrics and psychoterapy

I kinda hate the fact that as a patient i gave away a lot of myself, i have been keeping distance (except for my written stream of consciousness in the email), paid regularly and yet now she is dumping me and I am realizing she might be a little narcisistic too
Almost ten years of hell, it is my fault and God want take me back

Today i have a call with her and I dont want to, i am crying
What kills me again, i always pay on terms, if I ever miss a call she would feel offended
My life is in s*it, not hers! She is richer than me by a lot, she goes to vacations, she even posts in my face photos of wedding and babies knowing that I am a broken woman

Something has been wrong since the start, it's all my fault